Powerful New Moon Insights From A Double Cancer: A Guest Post
As I sat down to write to you today, I received a powerful message from my closest friend. With his permission, I've share it with you below as a guest blog.
Astrology is pretty esoteric art and science. But it also expresses in our daily lives in ways that we don't often recognize.
Of all the signs, Cancer is the most sensitive. The waxing and waning of emotion is the Moon's gift. She helps us feel, process and move through emotion so that we can transform and heal. 🕊️
So much of the joy and the angst of our lives is found in the depth of our feeling and emotional expression; our ability to connect deeply to others, especially our most intimate others.
Patrick's story beautifully illustrates how we interact with the Crab's energies. (He's also triple water with both his Sun and Moon in Cancer.) 🌙♋☀️
Not surprisingly, he had this experience just after yesterday's New Moon in Cancer opposing Pluto in Capricorn (transformation through self-responsibility).
Patrick’s New Moon Insights
Matthieu, Sarah and I were taking a walk. At some point, my husband said he felt so bad. Horrible. He'd rather walk alone, he said, and asked if we could walk separately. But eventually, his sister offered to talk with him. Matthieu said that might help, so he asked if I could walk home so they could talk.
I left.
But I felt hurt, and I noticed I felt alone. I had to walk home alone for 30 minutes and I was suspicious that his feelings had something to do with me. Also because he acted a little annoyed just before that, so I already felt subtly on edge.
Anyway, I walked home and noticed all my pain. I was worried about Matthieu at the same time, but I felt a bit abandoned myself. I felt such pain, sadness, heartbreak, anxiety. Because all those feelings of, "Nobody cares about Patrick," came up again.
Even though his request was probably really innocent and didn't really have anything to do with me. Still, I just felt that.
I felt alone. Alone alone alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Lonely. Desire to be cared for. Longing so much for someone who would be concerned with my emotions.
Then suddenly a tiny shift happened!
I suddenly realized: I've been treating feeling alone like a problem, but maybe it's actually something I have to go through (and should want to go through), because it is the path towards emotional independence; that God wants me to be independent. And that deep inside, I want to be independent, emotionally. I want to be alone. Mentally alone.
I need to grieve before I can get there. Matthieu is helping me grieve that. What we do to our partners — we fill in the gaps that our parents left us with, we replace the love that the parents used to give us when we were small.
If I can grieve the gap that was left behind when I grew out of my parents' love; if I can grieve the fact that no one is going to care for me even if I want it so much; if I can just grieve grieve grieve that, GRIEVE that, then ... I will heal.
Not: if someone can care for me, I will heal.
But: If I can grieve the fact that there won't necessarily be anyone that cares for me, then I will heal.
So I'm supposed to feel alone. I'm meeting with aloneness. It is what I need to step toward — mentally — in order to be together.
Because being together hurts when you haven't grieved your aloneness. Being together hurts if you're not yet mentally alone.
Being together will trigger one's feelings of aloneness over and over again until it's met with completely.
(I thought of you, too.) 🫂
But the moment I realized that, my sadness disappeared.
My longing, trying to grasp something from Matthieu ... disappeared.
Suddenly, it was okay. I turned off the sad music on my earbuds.
I'm not super happy now. But I'm not anxious anymore either. I can focus on reading my book, knowing that being triggered to feel alone is actually what I need.
I need to meet with aloneness; with feeling alone. Because I need spiritual maturity. Emotional independence.
I'm not there yet. But this was a step …
Love you! 💜
Patrick
P.S. I don't wanna be without Matthieu. This is just an internal process.
