What's Your Safety Dance
This past week, I was sitting with a client describing a tricky relationship dynamic with one of her intimate others (mama bear).
"I can't afford to do this anymore," Jennifer said matter-of-factly. "I'm emotionally and physically exhausted."
Can you relate?
Most of us have had experiences in which we've denied our own needs to maintain a connection with someone we love or something that makes us feel secure.
Sometimes, it's out of a necessary obligation, like Jennifer's scenario. More often, it's because we're afraid.
We all have different thresholds for maintaining boundaries and Nurturing ourselves, whether it's with friends, lovers or family members.
This deeply subconscious programming is part of the Cancer archetype, in which the Family of Origin essentially sets the stage for your soul's evolutionary journey.
So there's a huge intersection between Nurturing, your Mother and this week's Spiritual Keynote: SAFETY.
Cancer and the Moon represent our emotional sensitivity and intuition, as well as the need to FEEL and be Safe, both physically and emotionally.
(If you've studied any psychology then you can also equate Safety with attachment theory.)
These days, Safety is a topic that seems to be "up" for a lot of my clients (and me, too!). It typically presents as the absence of safety, however.
In the past few weeks, I've heard the following:
"I hate my job, but I'm afraid to quit because I need the money."
"My system is dysregulated after visiting my family."
"I finally decided to leave my partner after the sixth incident of domestic violence."
"I feel insecure speaking up in meetings, because I'm not as quick to respond as my colleagues."
Texting about emotionally sensitive stuff causes me terrible anxiety, and it often sends me into a trauma response. (This is my own realization, not a client's!)
Like all of Cancer's Spiritual Keynotes, this is a complex topic.
It's kind of like this uber-important, yet totally overlooked aspect of life because there's so much subconscious junk behind it. It runs so much deeper than, "I don't feel safe walking to my car late at night."
Sometimes, we're actively engaged in behaviors, activities or relationships that create a feeling of fear or insecurity in our systems. And we tolerate these experiences because there's some kind of payoff.
Alternatively, many of us have unhealed trauma in our systems that we carry with us into adulthood.
It's then projected onto other people and situations, with the subconscious assumption that the dream mate or dream job or dream blah blah blah will spare us from the healing and Self-nurturing that are actually required to finally feel the peace we seek externally.
As my fabulous friend Robin would say, "That's a lot."
So your contemplation for the week is to retreat into your shell for some serious reflection around the following:
Where do you feel Safe or unsafe in your life?
Is there a particular situation or relationship that makes you feel Safe or unsafe? What's the payoff, or what benefit do you get from those situations where you don't feel safe?
Which caretaker did this relationship dynamic originate with? (Read: Is this a mommy or a daddy program or both?)
Can you do anything to create a greater sense of security for your system?
Specifically, are you neglecting some kind of Self-care that needs to be attended to?
For example, now that I understand texting is no bueno for my system in certain situations, I get to establish and maintain different boundaries for sensitive communications.
What emotional responses do you have when you feel Safe and unsafe? Where do you feel it in your body?
Do you attend to your emotional needs when your body feels unsafe or do you self-medicate to avoid it?
What's your safety dance?
Check out my Moon sign guide, which includes relationship tips that I originally dubbed "Safety Tips." It will definitely provide some insight as to what you need from your intimate relationships to feel better loved and understood.
>> As always, please let me know how you're doing.
Is Safety "up" for you right now too? Care to elaborate? I'm listening.
P.S. Did I mention that your Moon sign reveals much about what you need to feel safe moving through life generally, as well as what you need to feel safe in your relationship?
